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Discovery channel discovers lesbians with babies

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June 20th, 2008

By Guest Blogger Sarah Werthan Buttenwieser
SarahWerthanButtenweiser

Oh, that Discovery Health channel, how it loves a non-traditional family. Most recent proof: the documentary Quads With Two Moms. Karen Wesolowski, 42, and Martha Padgett, 38 wanted to add to their family (Martha brought a daughter, Julia, now 11, from a previous marriage to her relationship with Karen). The couple describes how they tried in-vitro fertilization repeatedly with Karen’s eggs and then decided to employ Martha’s eggs — two embryos into Martha’s uterus, two into Karen’s — amazingly, all four took.

Unlike the Christian conservative Duggar family with 18 children or the ubiquitous Jon and Kate plus their eight children, this family has its own a made-for-TV twist: the lesbian thing. I clicked the preview clip expectantly, hoping for a love-makes-a-family moment.

I didn’t get what I was looking for. In the preview, Karen says something along the lines of, we know it’ll be hard for the kids to have lesbian moms. What?

I watched anyway, hoping that the teaser was simply that and once I gave an hour to these women and their four children, I’d be satisfied that the show would present a more positive and less apologetic message about their family. The show began with the women’s anticipation for their big days. Family came over to help set up the nursery and cook a last big homemade meal for them before babies’ arrivals. Siblings said things like, “I never imagined Martha would get pregnant.” They were excited, though, and Karen’s brother spoke about having already served as a male presence in Julia’s life and his intention to do that for his new nieces and nephews. He added that he knew they’d be great parents. Even for the grandparents, this was an unexpected but welcome addition — well, set of additions — to the family.

Because the women weren’t — couldn’t be — legally married, they were due to give birth in two different hospitals (under their separate insurance plans, this was their only option) twenty minutes apart. Right there, you’re pulling for a message about the importance of same-sex marriage to provide benefits like shared health insurance, but they simply explained the predicament with no explicit discussion of the fact that any other outcome could be possible. Somewhat wistfully, Martha said, “I wish we could give birth in the same place.” (If she or her partner said anything about the political steps that would require public support in order to achieve this sort of result, well, it was left on the cutting room floor.) Eighteen hours after the first pair — Karen’s newborns Alex and Sofia — were delivered via Caesarean section, Martha was having inconsistent blood pressure readings and was admitted to the hospital for her Caesarean delivery of Andrew and Sienna. During her hospitalization, Martha wished more urgently to be closer to her partner and other babies. She sounded sad about it, but never angry or frustrated or at all entitled to that kind of equality. We have no way of knowing whether this is simply her personality or a trick of editing, but it seems unlikely that no one in either of the hospital rooms while this was all happening expressed any outward ire at the discriminatory policies that prevented these mothers from giving birth together.

Within weeks, despite some initial health issues for Andrew, all babies were home, and mayhem ensued. The quick video visits at one month, and three months and about seven months revealed two hardworking (I’ll underscore that: Martha is a physical therapist working the day shift, Karen a nurse working nights) and harried parents.

Throughout, the moms did mention things about how hard it will probably be for the kids to have lesbian parents or no dad (they used an anonymous sperm donor) but that they felt they’d done pretty well by Julia and that, as Karen reflected, “times had changed.”

Beyond a couple of individual bloggers and a post at Babble, there wasn’t much press buzz about these lesbian moms with many babies. A couple in the UK had quads more, uh, conventionally, one mom with egg production stimulated plus sperm donor and voila, four babies. And another Orange County couple also had quads this year again via ovary stimulation. Christine Gaienne and Patsy Lovell welcomed two boys and two girls (Gaienne, the younger of the pair, gave birth to them as well as another son two years earlier). The women, who work at the Irvine Police Department, fit the article’s headline: “Lesbian couple are proud parents to quadruplets.” This from the article:

Gaiennie and Lovell say that fear of criticism and discrimination never factored into their decision to have children. And while they initially worried about the possibility of other kids asking questions or teasing Jordan once he entered school, “We figured the benefits outweighed the risks, and we just went for it,” Lovell said.

Finally, unapologetic parents — hey, give those lesbians a television show!

Guest Blogger Sarah Werthan Buttenwieser is a regular contributor to Mothers Movement Online and has a monthly column at NPR’s Justice Talking blog as well as writing for many other publications. She lives in Northampton, Massachusetts.

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